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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been reading your column for several years, and I've noticed how you are a big advocate for communication. Yay! I agree that communication is key.

Sometimes you provide words or sentences your readers can use. However, in some of the cases people ask you about, it seems like they are talking to a wall, and the other person involved just doesn't get it. Could you give me and your other readers advice on when and how to communicate, as well as what to do if the person isn't listening, misunderstands your words or reacts badly? Thank you. -- Woman Communicator

DEAR WOMAN COMMUNICATOR: The best way to determine if someone is going to make the effort to listen to you is for you to listen to them first. Pay attention to the person in question. What state of mind is he or she in? Do you think the person has the capacity to hear you at that moment? Is the person distracted? Inebriated? Agitated? Sleepy? Any of these states can make it impossible for that person to pay attention to you.

Before speaking, you can ask, "Do you have a moment now? I would like to talk to you about something." You can ask for the TV or video game to be turned off, for the phone to be silenced, for the person to look at you. When you address someone, speak in a respectful, non-accusatory tone. If you are upset and cannot be neutral, delay the conversation or say that you are upset and you are sorry if your words come out wrong. Choose your words carefully. Speak in short, descriptive sentences that make it easy for the person to understand what you are saying. Check in along the way to learn if what you are saying makes sense to the listener.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting married soon and drafting my guest list, and I am having a hard time making certain decisions. My dad and I have had a bit of a strained relationship since he realized my sexuality was not a "phase." He's attempted to accept it, and I know he still loves me, but he has a hard time concealing his discomfort. As time passed, I've stopped inviting him around my partner because we couldn't be ourselves fully.

My dad and I stay in touch, but he rarely asks about my fiancee, and he doesn't ask about that part of my life. I love my dad and would love to have him join us at the ceremony, but I don't want to feel concerned with his opinions or perspective on my big day. Is it enough that he still loves me and tries? Or is the fact that he doesn't try hard enough more important? -- Wedding List

DEAR WEDDING LIST: Talk to your father about your concerns. Remind him that your wedding is coming soon, and ask him directly if he wants to participate. Acknowledge that you know how difficult it has been for him to accept your sexuality and your partner. Tell him you appreciate the effort he has made thus far and that while you would like for him to be a part of your wedding, you do not want him to feel uncomfortable -- and you don't want his attitude to put a damper on your joy. Ask him if he thinks he can be there and remain respectful or if it is better for him to sit it out.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.